Six Seven

Day 8 part 2 and as I slipped $100 into the Kosmic Debris Keno System test machine for the very first trial run, I had a thought. When playing the open box 20 card numbers, I'd hit 5 out of 5 various numbers of times in a game. 

That was possible because there were 8 numbers involved. Many combinations of 5 were bet upon - many were not. Hitting 6 out of the possible 8 numbers could result in just one 5 out of 5 hit, two 5 out of 5 hits, or as many as 6 (as I had been lucky enough to receive).

But with a grand total of 7 numbers in play, I could hit one 5 out of 5, six 5 out of 5s if six of my seven numbers hit, or twenty 5 out of 5s if all 7 of my numbers hit. There were no other choices. The problem with this, is it is ridiculously, incredibly rare and difficult to hit 7 out of 7, and ridiculously rare to hit 6 out of 7.

I'd hit one 5 out of 5 twice so far in this test run and had so far roughly broken even. The only way I was really going to win a decent amount of money quickly would be to hit 6 numbers, or 7. It seemed very unlikely.

I ran my first $100 and its profits out of the machine and tried a second $100. I relayed my concerns about the Kosmic Debris Keno System to YoLeven by text and he replied, "Right. Well, 6 isn't out of the question. Maybe you'll see it!"

I played for a while, hitting a few 4s but nothing big. The credits were dwindling down.

And then, something ridiculously rare happened.

"Holy shit! I did it," I said to nobody in particular but myself.

I'd gotten the 6 out of 7 again giving me six 5 out of 5 wins. The win was a grand total was 10,056 nickels, or $502.80.

Now I was actually up on the day! I cashed it out and resolved to slow play the rest of the day, avoiding the high denominations.

I gave my beloved Double Super Slippery Slappy Slutty Shifty Spiffy Shitty Super Times Pay a go.

Having rung up a small profit I... actually cashed it out. At this point, $20 is $20.

With time dwindling down, I took a quick walk to the Four Queens. A number of you fine ko-fi donators have specified that I should play at the Mikes Bar (or the Throne seat, which was occupied) and I was bound to comply.

I greeted Mike with a zesty 9-step complicated bro' handshake, filled with lots of mutterings of 'brother' and hayll yeahhhs.

There was no luck this time, the machines were ice cold. $100 gone like that.

The Mikes Bar (but not Mike)

I headed back to the Cal and played some Deuces Wild and a few other things.

But it was time to shut it down. Back at Main Street I went up to the room to finalize packing and check flight statuses etc. My plane was due to leave at 9 pm but because of the snowstorm in the east, it was suffering from incremental delays. Probably the inbound flight was affected by the storm. 9:00 became 10:00 became 11:00. Ugh.

I needed to get some dinner and do some final play, so I headed for the buffet, and it was lined up out the door. It was indeed a busy weekend at the Cal / MSS - there was a huge tournament (to which I was not invited HARRUMPH) and other things going on - like a 1920s theme wedding (to which I was also not invited HARRUMPH).

So, I headed to the coffee shop at the Cal and waited for a seat at the counter, watching these three ISGs cackle and chat and take literally 10 minutes to fuck around with dollar bills, while consulting various checks. Couldn't these rude ladies see what was directly behind them, the Royal Me, waiting Royally, hungry, starving, practically salivating?

The Saturday Special was something called Shoyu Ribs. I googled it and it sounded great. And it was!

And then it was time. Back to the room to do a final check and look in the now empty safe 500 times.

My tally for the day was... I was up $25. A winning day. Not a winning trip, but a great one nonetheless.

I drove the Honda Cletus to the AVIS facility (stopping to fill up the tank). I'm still pissed at AVIS and the fact that there was nobody there to receive the vehicle allowed me to nurture my feelings to new heights of pissendom.

On top of that, I dropped a glasses case and it bounded happily under the Cletus, and getting on the grimy pavement on my hands and knees, I confirmed it was out of reach, which took me to complete pissfullness at AVIS. I backed the Cletus up and retrieved my reading specs.

You know the rest of it. Shuttle to the terminal. Security (smooth). Shuttle to the gate. Find out flight is now departing at 12:30 am. Face the three hour wait in the terminal with grace and serenity.

I was the first one on the plane and the first one off in Orlando. The JetBlue Mint experience was again stellar. The pods this time were in the herringbone style, so I wouldn't be able to dump a drink on anyone without perfectly executing a fairly obvious and difficult one-handed aerial maneuver.

I had two of the Mint Condition cocktails and they were outstanding. I must learn how to make these at home!

The snack was delicious. I ate every drop and crumb but skipped the gelato. After that I watched some TV, dozed off, and then put my seat down flat to sleep for an hour or so until we started our descent.

It was ridiculously civilized and I am now a spoiled, uncouth, bitter old fuck of a brat. As opposed to the uncouth, bitter old fuck of a brat that I was before being sullied by the extravagant JetBlue Mint pampering.

The rest of it is boring. Get off the plane, find the car, drive home, sit in a dazed stupor thinking back warmly on the exciting whirlwind full of good food, amazing experiences, and special friends that was this last Las Vegas trip.

Thank you for reading and thank you for your generous donations. I'm humbled and thankful every time I receive one, realizing that my writing efforts apparently hold value for others.

Now for the accounting spin... 

I lost $513 gambling on this trip. I would have loved to have three wins in a row, but I think this is an excellent result as my gambling facilitates greatly reduced room costs.

Costs for the trip include 35,000 Avion points plus $400 for the flight, $400 for the Honda Cletus, $240 for the room at the King's Shingles, $300 in tips and other expenses. Room charges at the Cal are $125 which my host will probably pick up. 

Total for the week $1340 or $190 a day for First Class flight, hotel, food, tips, and entertainment.

I think that is a complete success. I don't know when the next time will be - it might be a while - but remember, where there are credits, there are hope. Stay savvy!

Royal Flusher

Kosmic Debris Keno Strategy

Day 8 part 1, and with the incredible comeback I'd made, being only roughly $500 down, I thought that maybe a winning trip was in sight. It would be important to keep an eye on my bankroll and not drop a bunch of money without much reward. (Which is the exact definition of every losing session...) 

It had been such an enjoyable trip that I didn't want to end on sour note.

My flight out on JetBlue was again in Mint, which would really be valuable as I was on the redeye, scheduled to leave at 9:00 pm.

Leaving at night is always weird. You are constantly looking at the time, calculating if you are on schedule, making sure you are packed in time, trying to figure out when to eat, checking the flight status over and over, and so on.

I was feeling a bit rough in the morning, so I took my time doing my writing, showering, packing, etc.

And, I worked on a winning video Keno system, consulting with YoLeven and Jimmy Poon. Based on the open box setup I'd stumbled on yesterday, I sketched the main ideas out on the back of Vegasbebe's card envelope, which some have pointed out really should have been a cocktail napkin, and they are not wrong.

By the time I was ready for breakfast, it was lunch, so I guess I skipped a meal.

My status with my host at Boyd was of a little concern, as on December's trip, I stopped receiving the valuable meal books. Fortunately, he picked up my room charges on that trip.

I decided to really focus on low volatility gambling to see if I could increase my coin in, and that meant full pay Jacks or Better.

Plan in place, I went to the coffee shop for breakfast.

Not the same photo of breakfast!

I ordered my usual two over hard with sausage, hash browns, and wheat toast. 

I suppose I could even re-use the same photo of breakfast over and over each day, it's always the same order.

Next stop, a Jacks of Better marathon. I played for the over an hour on $100. For some reason, the quads were not coming. I was on an upright machine that played fast so I was cranking through hundreds of hands an hour.

It seemed like a good time to try 50 cent denom, because if you're not winning, you should bet heavier, right?

Well into hour 2 I got my first quad, and an hour after that, another one, finally. I had been thinking the only way I am going to get one is to be dealt it, and sure enough, that's what happened.

I'd put $300 into the machine but plugged away at the 50 cent level. After two and a half hours, my shoulders were as taut as a strippers thighs, my eyes were twitchy, itchy, and crossed, and my bladder was Hindenburging.

About three fulls house hit in the space of ten hands and I worked the machine up to $200. In a shockingly savvy move, I accepted the loss of $100 and cashed out. I'd done $4,000 plus in coin in, putting a big dent in the play I felt I needed to do today.

Back in the room, I worked with Jimmy Poon on finalizing my new keno strategy system. It was shaping up into a thing of beauty.

I almost had the perfect setup. It was so close to perfection. I needed to concentrate, and to help, I hummed a little tune.

And then, I wrapped a newspaper around my head, so  like I was deep. I said some mumbo jumbo then, and told Jimmy he was going to sleep.

I proceeded to tell him his future then, as long as he was hanging around. I said "The price of meat has just gone up, and your old lady has just gone down..."

We fed all our calculations into ChatGPT along with 7 targeted numbers and at last!

The Kosmic Debris Keno kalculation was komplete.

It uses every combination of 5 numbers that you can get from a group of 7 numbers, except one.

I skipped down to the casino, hippity hop, skippety skip, anxious to try out our new creation.

On an appropriate machine in the Main Street Station casino, I set up the 20 cards according to the strategy, and bet 2 nickels per card. That would be two bucks per spin. 

Fifteen spins in, it hit for the first time.

WOW!

I shared the good news with YoLeven and Jimmy Poon, and kept going. My credits dropped quite a bit, but it hit a second time!

Excited about what was happening, I also realized that there was a problem with the strategy, and it was bigger than just the fact that one combination out of the possible 21 was not bet on.

Hmmmm.

We Don't 69 Here

Day 7 and when I say 'Day', I mean 'The middle of the goddamn night'. Bobby G was headed back home on a 6:00 am flight. I promised that I would take him to the airport and that meant setting my alarm for 3:30 am.

Yes, I set my alarm for 3:30 am but that doesn't mean I would actually get up then.

There are Ubers and Lyfts available, right?

I got up at 3:30 am. Bobby G has bent over backwards for me (you should see it, he can chug a beer in that position, too) and it was the least I could do not to deliver him in Honda Cletus luxury style to the airport.

We met in the hallway at 4:00 and I asked Bobby how he did after I left him the night before. No details, but apparently he'd played almost all night long. I did not see pockets bulging with hundies.

It was a smooth ride to the airport - so smooth and fast I completely missed the Tropicana exit. So I tunneled Bobby G.

We said our goodbyes and I took the opportunity to do something I've wanted to do for so many trips - hit South Point for the graveyard specials!

I was there before 5:00 am and the birds were chirping. I made a bit of a booboo at the Coronado Cafe.

My breakfast was $4.95! Dirt cheap! Stupidly I ordered coffee, which cost $4.50. I could have gotten it after. Oh well.

Breakfast was good but for some reason the eggs were cold. And so were the machines, it turned out.

I thought I'd 'do a little play' while there, and found a Double Diamond machine. Still chasing that top jackpot, I played $100 worth at $2 a spin. You'll assume I didn't hit it and you'll be right.

After that, I tried some 50 cent Boner Deluxe. It didn't go well at all and then I went completely stupidly on tilt. I pounded in $300 more and played $1 VP and then $2 VP. At $10 a hand, you had better hit something quickly or your money is buttered toast, like what I had at my $500 breakfast.

Because that's how much I lost before rolling out of there less than an hour after I'd arrived.

SHIT. Boy, oh boy, what a dumb way to start the day. There were so many problems. Lack of self control. Bad choices. My bankroll was down to about $300 now. I was down about $1,500 on the trip now, which I saw as unrecoverable.

I drove back to Main Street and went up to my room. I looked up where Bank of America ATMs were near Fontainbleau (bear with me, this will make sense). I pondered checking with the cage to see if my line of credit was still active.

Vegasbebe and Mamacita were arriving in Las Vegas and I'd very gladly offered to pick them up at the airport, take them shopping for vital room camping supplies, and drop them at their hotel.

I basically just chilled in my room, napping, showering, and pondering the cascade of terrible life choices that had lead me to this hotel room, at this time, broke and forlorn.

Around noon, I headed back to McCarran, successfully located my passengers, and delivered them and their Budweiser, energy drinks, snacks, patent medications, Bobby pins, Jiffy-pop popcorn, electrolyte beverages, lip balm, $100 bill printed toilet tissue, henna tattoo kits, marked cards, newspapers, inflatable pool toys, Cup Noodles, ice cream cones, souvenir beer bong hard hats, "I'm with Stupid" t-shirts, cans of tuna, table cloths, pine tree air fresheners, Mr. Peanut costumes, combs, and a pint of Old Harper safely to their digs - the Fontainbleau.

It was wonderful to finally meet them and all their luggage (filled with jars of jam, I think, from the weight of those suckers).

All kidding aside, I am forever grateful for the support I received over the last 3 years and I made that known in person, which felt very good indeed.

These ladies seemed to think my luck would change, and as I pulled away from the hotel, I noticed a colorful envelope had been left behind. I opened it at a stoplight (which thankfully was red at the time) and found a thank you card and a generous (but unnecessary) tip to get me started back on the path to financial gambling glory!

So thoughtful - thank you Vegasbebe!

Back at Main Street Station, I took stock of things and decided there was nothing for it but to see what I could do with the money I had left, plus the tip money, which was earmarked for Lightning Link Flaming Golden Balls of Lucky Death play.

But first, I needed some lunch. The chicken and waffles at the coffee shop was amazing. Really hit the spot!

In the Cal casino, I didn't hit a big jackpot as instructed, but the most important thing is I had fun playing. And when I was done playing, I wandered away from that machine, and wandered to a machine that video Keno on it. Call it fate!!!!!! I could have wandered anywhere, but I wandered there.

It's kind of amusing. Instead of playing my typical upper right corner numbers, I thought, well, play all four corners. Two credits each, so that's 2 quarters, or 50 cents, or in other needless words, $2 a spin. Four 5-spots, but not interlocking like I often do.

It was different - you get a lot of hits, so it sounds great, but typically you win nothing, or maybe get a 3 out of 5 for 6 credits. Almost enough to get your bet back.

Well thank goodness, I hit a five out of five. Here's the kind of amusing part - my usual upper right corner numbers hit.

Believe me, I'll take it.

It was (I am pretty sure) the first five out of five I've hit this whole

Holy crapoli, what a frigging relief! That is a $405 hit right there. Just like that, I was no longer a pre-dawn degenerate, but a waffling savvy bastard.

I played for a quite a while longer but couldn't replicate the win. I cashed out the ticket with about $275 on it.

My next target of note was an upright near the lobby with a decent Deuces Wild game on it.

I played quarters for quite a while, hoping for those Deuces. In typical Deuces fashion, the machine taunted me by dealing me four Queens.

See the lower left corner there? Yup. That's what four Queens pays on Deuces - 20 quarters. It's the risk you take.

I've had quite a few dealt quads this trip and I thought, well, being I was on the second last day, that would probably be the end of it.

I played on, doing sort of okay, but dropping slowly. Emboldened by my win on Keno, I took a tippy toe step back into degeneracy and more risk by doubling the stakes to fifty cents.

Just four hands later - just FOUR - I was dealt the Deuces. $500 instead of $250! Boy was that a timely decision!

Now I was rolling!

I played out maybe $200 on other video poker machines. Triple Double Bonus, fifty cent Bonus, things like that. No hits.

I wandered the casino, looking at machines, trying to think of where I might be able to continue the streak.

That's when I saw a machine that someone had been playing multicard Keno on, and it had an interesting pattern of numbers selected, an open box in the lower right corner, with the center square, number 69, left open.

I sat down and looked at a bunch of the cards individually. They were all set up for different 5-spot combinations within the square of numbers. Fuck it, this looked interesting, and was something I've thought of trying before - 20 cards of interlocking 5 spots, all different.

I bet two nickels per card and got dinging. $2 a spin. Before too long, a bunch of numbers hit and I thought, oh that will maybe be something, and my jaw dropped when I looked on the left side of the screen and saw not one, not two but SIX five spot tickets had hit. And the credits rang up like the most angelic beautiful cash-grabbing song you've ever sung. 

I cashed a ticket out and kept going. And I got more hits! And cashed out two more tickets!

Unbelievable. Proof once again that where there are credits, there are hope.

My buddy 'Kevin' the (now retired) advantage video poker player, and his wife 'Mrs. Kevin' took me out for the most amazing meal at Andiamo's at The D. It was my first time eating there.

And in fact, it was my first time doing anything of any sort there, and I chose eating from the vast realm of possibilities.

We had a fantastic meal! We started with the Polpette sudate del gigante, which were amazing, and for mains, I had the tortellini, Kevin had a porterhouse steak, and Mrs. Kevin had the lobster rigatoni. The Mrs. and I shared the cheesecake (unpictured) which was the most delicious cheesecake I've ever had.

I hogged most of it, going so far as to scooping portions off of her fork before she could enjoy them. It was a cheesecake sword fight!

What a day! Three sets of good friends, an amazing dinner, and a gambling turnaround for the ages.

I went back to the Cal, wandered a bit, wondering what to play, and then realized I felt fulfilled - I didn't need to play anything. It was time to go back to the room and feel good about things.

Total for the trip? Down only $538. I'll take that!

One day to go!